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WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO CELEBRATE? . . .
What images does the word celebration conjure up for you? Your mind may immediately race to birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries. Maybe it extends to encompass other big life milestones…coming-of-age ceremonies, weddings, baby showers, housewarming parties, and funerals.
Maybe there are specific ingredients you imagine: parties, cakes, presents, and specific people meant to take part.
As per our usual reframe, we’re interested not in what something ‘should’ look like, but instead in what holds meaning deep inside you...What truly honors the intention of what it means to notice and to uplift you, and your life, at any given time? And what shape can the container of celebration take, beyond what we’ve come to understand as ‘the' way cultivated through common culture?
Perhaps the best way for us to illuminate our understanding of all the ways we can celebrate - both big and small, from the milestones to the mundane - is to share the stories that light us up.
This week, we’ll start with birthdays - there are four recent ones that come to mind - and move through other examples in the weeks ahead.
As a Scorpio sun, I seem to attract others born in the same celestial portal, so when my own friends surprised and delighted me with a most epic celebration of the Samhain season (complete with an ancestor altar, group singing, a space bathed in marigolds and candlelight, dance that honored my Greek heritage and the divine feminine, a potluck with the prompt to ‘bring something that would have delighted your ancestors,’ and a birthday cake made with Palestinian olive oil and topped with Greek yogurt and local honey, eaten with the plates and silverware passed down through Dorothy’s maternal line)...I felt the itch to honor the others around me in a similar fashion.
But I had to keep in mind something important...the golden rule, as taught to me by my beloved college professor, Barbara Lang, many moons ago: not to treat others how you want to be treated, but to treat others how they want to be treated.
Next up in my Scorpio season celebrations, just three days after mine, is my significant other, Dan. I’d been asking him for weeks how he wanted to celebrate. After much coaxing, he relented to turn his yearly communal outdoor fire ritual into his birthday celebration. This fire always coincides with the release of the smoked lager that Dan makes in October, a signal that the dark and cold are descending, urging us to fortify ourselves with the delights of the fire.
Early on, I could sense his desire to pump the breaks - he wanted it to be a chill affair, without fanfare. I did my best to acquiesce, inviting only a small handful of his fellow brewer friends that always share in the fire.
But as the day approached, in the aftermath of my own uplifting and honoring, I could see a different vision of the day take shape. He spoke up with some small requests: to eat Hungarian goulash, and an eclair cake. And slowly, he started inviting some others to attend.
In the end, we were still a (relatively) small group huddled around the fire on one of the first truly crisp, cold evenings at the start of November, warmed by a rondeau full of rinder (German for beef cattle), a cask full of smoke beer, and deep belly laughs. I could feel how the celebration need not be prescriptive...it need only be true to one’s desires.
Another week later, another dear friend’s 41st birthday...Last year, Zach was a new friend, and I felt grateful to celebrate his 40th, when he gathered people together with some simple requests: to honor his love of pie by eating pizza (pie), bringing your own (sweet) pie, and singing a song he penned with his kiddos. I still hear the refrain and sing it regularly …
My, my, me oh my,
You’re as sweet to me as cherry pie,
I love you so much I could die,
I want to make pie with you
With the steady flow of Scorpio celebrations ahead of Zach's, I was getting itchy again, checking in with him about what he wanted to do to celebrate. He had come to play the oud at my birthday party, offering his special talents to set the Tsifteteli dance performance to live music and make it even more magical. I wanted to mirror that love and appreciation back to him.
In the end, it was just two days before his birthday when he sent out a text to a few friends: meet me at Big Towel, we’ll sweat in the sauna together and eat cake (made by yours truly). What could be better?
So six of us gathered. We left our kids with a sitter and we sang and sweat together on a cold, rainy November day. Afterward, I picked up the kids and we all gathered outside to eat cake. It was such a beautiful honoring…a commonly solo personal practice of his, shared among a small group of beloveds. It required minimal cost and planning (in comparison to a big party), but yielded dividends.
(As an aside, a group of us did a solstice sunrise sauna at Big Towel wood-fired sauna in June, which is a story of honoring for another day, but needless to say that group sauna sessions have been an unexpected delight of 2025, especially as I dive deeper into the varied rituals rooted in sauna culture throughout the world courtesy of the love, enthusiasm, and reverence of Kelly who runs Big Towel).
These stories remind me of Samantha. Some of you might know Sam as the third person behind the GFJ info email inbox. Sam is a beacon of light, commonly bringing her unique creativity and presence to everyday interactions (as anyone who has fielded an email response from her knows firsthand). My most favorite piece of mail to arrive each year is her homemade valentines…always crafted with items she already has laying around the house…scraps of fabric, bits of the kids artwork, etc. They are always such special pieces of art woven with beauty and love.
But Sam also knows how to bring meaning to birthdays, particularly in ways that prioritize enjoyment (without breaking the bank or overwhelming one’s self).
This past year, they honored the occasion of her birthday - which happened to coincide with the closing of their family’s new home - by hosting some friends to their new (empty) house. They quite literally had just gotten the keys, and were about to plow through a slew of improvements. Working mostly on their own, and with four kiddos aged seven years to six months, they somehow still make the most of marking occasions in meaningful ways. They got a few quarts of ice cream, assorting sprinkles and other toppings, and invited over a bunch of friends to enjoy it on their porch. The call for celebration need not be fancy or even homemade. The magic comes from the memories of being together and taking the time to celebrate.
As an aside, Sam's husband gifted her some empty photo albums, knowing that she had a box full of old-school style printed photographs from their college days that she’d been meaning to organize. They spent some time putting them in albums together, sharing the stories of the people and places they’d been along the way.
These are just a few examples of recent ways we’ve seen people celebrate...and we know there are as many ideas out there as there are people in the world and years that they’ve lived. Chime in via One Small Thing below to let us know the experiences that you’ve participated in that have moved you. We are always so curious to know and to share.
In celebration,
Tay + Dor
photo by Masha Zabara
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